Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

This story began as most stories do - with a journey from home. A step out into the great wide world. The heroine, seeking self-discovery, was full of dreams and eager for adventure. She wanted to experience life somewhere far from what she knew. But she realized there is a lot she doesn't know. The pursuit of knowledge has always been burning up her spirit. Read. Study. Listen. Watch. Learn. Absorb.

I don't want to say that I found myself. I don't want to say that I was ever really lost. But now that I am going home I feel like I'm returning to more than just a place. I don't know everything but I learned a lot these past six months. I know myself much better than before which is to say I know myself significantly better than before because I always thought I knew myself pretty well. Does that make sense? I also have a better idea about what I want.

“Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves.”-Carol Lynn Pearson

So, I am standing on the verge of another journey. The return journey. My skin is a little thicker. I have some battle scars. Some amazing tales never made it onto this blog. But isn't that how it usually goes? Most of the time I feel like my words are inadequate in relaying my experiences. My thoughts. My joy. My sadness. My desires. It would be impossible for me to share everything with you. But there are scenes from movies or passages in books that precisely convey what is rumbling about in my heart. Or head. Or a combination thereof. If you've been reading you'd understand me when I say that I have an affinity for The Wizard of Oz. I watched it a lot as a kid. So much that when I watched it yesterday it felt like déjà vu. I loved it before I ever lived in Kansas.



I leave the Netheralnds tomorrow, if all goes as planned. Like I said, my adventures are far from over. I'll continue to update here about the reverse culture shock and what not. Since I can't really put into words what I am feeling at this very moment about this very moment and concerning the culmination of the past six months, I'm including a few quotes I've collected:


•"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." -Mark twain
•“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
-Marcel Proust
•“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – It’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” - Jack Kerouac
•“Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood.” -Milan Kundera
•"So the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness."
-Hermann Hesse
•"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
•"No creature is fully itself till it is, like the dandelion, opened in the bloom of pure relationship to the sun, the entire living cosmos." -D.H. Lawrence
•"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

Snow, Stocking feet, and singing out of tune

The children don't have school this week which means I get three whole days of quality time with Roeland and Rosa before I leave. It has been awhile since I watched both of them together for a full day. Today was crazy. Instead of au pairing two Dutch children I felt like I was responsible for Thing 1 and Thing 2. They were all over the place and most of the time on the upper levels of the volume scale.



When my mom sent some gift packages for the children she included little toys, t-shirts from the Coca Cola factory in Atlanta, and these socks from Universal Studios.




Christmas spirit has infected the three of us. Roeland kept singing the same line over and over: "Simply having a wonderful Christmas time." Except the first few words come out as "sinty ebby..." He wore his Santa hat all day. There is a little bell on it so his first request this morning was that Rosa and I put our hats on as well and we can all sing "Jingle Bells." In the afternoon we went outside to play in the snow. Did you hear about how much snow hit Europe?


Snipped from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution and scanned by my dad.

It seems one last coffee in Amsterdam is unlikely before Thursday but Europe rarely gets snow of like this. I like that I am here to witness it, even if it cancelled all the plans I had for my last weekend in Holland. I'm praying that current or future conditions won't hinder any of the three flights I am booked to take before the end of the week. Hoping, wishing, and praying.

P.S. My friend Caitlyn has a blog. She's an au pair in Brescia, Italy. She's fantastic so you should check it out! Right this way, if you please.

If you go when the snowflakes storm

Last night I got down to business and started packing. Right now I have designated areas for each suitcase, which means my room is messier than usual. I found a pile of used train tickets and some cash in three different currencies. That made me laugh. I also went through all the letters, cards, and postcards people have sent me. That made me smile.




I'm making lists again. I have two sets: an inventory of gifts for people and things to-do/pack. They're hanging from one of the desk shelves, right below the National Geographic picture-a-day calender. Botswana, Bermuda, Sicily, and other places around the world. It has been on July 1st this whole time because it is a picture of Minnesota.



My original plan for today was to go to Den Haag but Holland was hit with some major snow yesterday. So, not all the trains are running today. Plan B - continue packing, fill out applications online, update Shutterfly, clean out iTunes, and make a music playlist for the plane ride home. In the meantime, here are a few videos from my two most recent adventures in Amsterdam.

"Kids" Dam Square 12/11/10 from missemalise on Vimeo.

Dam Square clips 12/11/10 from missemalise on Vimeo.

Funky Monkeys from missemalise on Vimeo.

Adventure in Amsterdam - 12.11.10

Although I was tempted to take the tram because of the cold I decided to spend my day walking instead. It ended up being a good decision because it was the best day I've spent in Amsterdam. Lately, I've been very conscious, once again, about memory. All these new memories I've made seem to bring old memories with them. "I saw this and it reminded me of you..." is a phrase I've used often here. I've also started going back and reading my previous blog entries. This part astounded me: "It is funny sometimes how things tend to come full circle....Now you can see how all these memories of mine are connected in their own strange way. Or in my mind, at least. I'm going to keep making lists and I'm going to keep remembering. In less than a week, after I step onto that plane destined for Amsterdam, I'll have new memories to share with you. I hope you're ready." So, I've been sharing all sorts of experiences with you but everyone has baggage. I try my best to live in the present moment and not dwell on the past or think too much about the future. But every place I've been and every person I've met is part of me. I carry it all with me. So, I hope you don't mind the times I have (and will) share old memories alongside new ones. Everything is connected, you know.

Walking towards Amstel and Waterlooplein
I knew it was one of my last times in the city, so I made it a point to notice all sorts of charming details. That made it hard for me to get through the flea market at Waterloo without buying a few things. I made away with some excellent purchases but I can't tell you about them because they're Christmas-sensitive items.







Alexander the Great at The Hermitage
I'd seen posters for this exhibit at the train station in Purmerend a few weeks ago and since then I'd been aching to go. Partly because I hadn't been to the Hermitage yet but mostly because I love Alexander. It was the best Classics centered exhibit I have ever seen. It was very well organized and provided a portrait of Alexander from his lifetime and beyond. Cameras were not allowed inside and I forgot to bring in my little notebook to record facts, realizations, and favorites. At first, without my usual pen and paper, I felt so naked but I enjoyed moving from artifact to artifact without stopping. Everything in the exhibit belongs to The Hermitage's permanent collection in St. Petersburg. It was structured thus: introduction/cultural context, areas conquered, legacy, portrait, and influence on European monarchies (specifically Russia's Catherine the Great.)


"This episode from the history of Alexander the Great comes from Plutarch. During a siege of a fortress in Bactria, the eastern part of the Persian state of Darius III, Roxane - daughter of a Bactrian satrap or nobleman - was captured. In an effort to gain the support of the Persian aristocracy, Alexander married her. Rotari here shows Alexander's meeting with Roxane, who is surrounded by weeping slaves and stands modestly before the amazed military commander."Image and Caption Source

It opened with this painting by Pietro Rotari (Italy, 1756). From this moment onward I was full of passion. It may sound silly but tears began to pull behind my eyes because I suddenly felt so much. I always tend to become rather tender in the face of art and history, but even more so when it comes to certain eras or figures. Alexander, of course is one. I felt the sweet weight of memory. I remembered learning about him for the first time in elementary school and proposing that when Owen was born his middle name be that of the great Macedonian. Then I remembered the Greek History class at Gustavus in the fall of my sophomore year. Reading about him. Writing about him. Discussing his cultural influence and his legacy. Study sessions with some of my favorite friends. Honestly, it was one of the best classes I ever took. Mostly because of the ladies in it with me but also because of it being about Ancient Greece.


Study guide timeline - Democracy (?)

It was like I was visiting an old friend for the afternoon. If you don't know much about Alexander and are interested in learning more or exploring the exhibit digitally, the exhibit's website is very informative. Read an introduction here and check out the highlights here. For me, the highlights included: engraving's of Charles Le Brun's paintings of Alexander's life for King Louis XIV's palace, a wood relief based on Le Brun for Catherine the Great's lover, Italian armor from the 16th century depicting the Greek heroes Alexander admired, Scythian burial artifacts, Indian busts of Buddha depicting the influence of the Greek "wet look," Russian cameos of the Trojan heroes commissioned by Catherine the Great. I was very pleased that the cameo collection also included woman such as Iphigenia and Cassandra.

Many European monarchs tried to emulate Alexander. Catherine the Great had an instruction book created for her grandsons, Constantine and Alexander, based on events from Alexander the Great's life. I found it most interesting that even in Venice, a staunch republic, Alexander was revered not for his kingly greatness but for his humanity and good deeds. No matter how history represents him there is no denying that he should be counted as one of the most important figures of the Western world. Perhaps even the greatest.






Music in Dam Square
One of my favorite aspects of my European travels is the street music. Every city I've been to has musicians playing in public, guitar cases open for coins. Dam Square almost always has someone playing on the weekends. One night, while passing through with friends, I heard James O'Reilly singing. The weekend Caitlynn was here we listened to Giovanni Bassano and his guitar for a bit. I was impressed both times and then on this particular adventure into Amsterdam I was lucky enough to catch them together. Giovanni on guitar and James singing. You can easily guess what their home countries are and that I'm more than a little bit in love with them both. Both countries and both musicians, that is. They played in the afternoon and again later in the evening. I stood in the crowd both times taking pictures and video. A little boy was in complete awe and refused to be part of the audience. He wanted to stand close and no matter how many times his mom called him over or his father tried to guide him back to his buggy, he wouldn't budge. I bought James' CD and have been swooning every time I've listened to it this week.

A wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure.

When I woke up this morning I did not feel like P. Diddy. I had Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" stuck in my head, which is a wonderful way to start one's day. On the way to pick the children up for lunch the flawless Dutch radio played Cyndi Lauper blended into "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight." Its been a great day so far and, with eight days left until I leave, I'm trying to savor all these moments. I'm already starting to sense how much I'm going to miss the children. I spent Saturday in Amsterdam (adventure post pending) and felt the first wave of what it will be like to say good-bye. But, if you read on, you'll see that my adventures will not end when I leave Holland.

Less than 24 hours after I land in Atlanta my dad and I are flying up to Minnesota to join my mom and brothers, who fly up on the 21st, for Christmas. My time will be split between our hotel suite and both grandma's houses. Guess who else is coming up?



Brandy is taking a Greyhound bus up from Kansas City to join me for New Year's in the "Land of 10,000 Lakes." (Thanks, Mom!) As you can see, we're incredibly excited. To celebrate the fact that we'll see each other for the first time in person since New Year's 2008, we danced around to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and quoted a good portion of Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

But that isn't all. I'm roadtripping back to Atlanta with Erica when she drives down to Florida to start her internship in January. The big open road, excellent company, and more great music? Yes, please.



I'll have a lot on my plate when I get back to the States. School loan payments and unemployment. I'll have a lot to figure out. And there are some other special people I want to see and spend some quality time with. So much to do and think about. But Holland has definitely helped me transition from being a "thinker" to a "doer." I'm sniffing out opportunities, savoring my last week here, and looking forward to the next chapter in my life. Now, instead of Bruno Mars, I have Ferris stuck in my head.

Old Saint Nick is older than you think

Last weekend when I returned from Amsterdam I found that the Christmas tree was up in the living room and remnants of Sinterklaas' and Zwarte Piet's surprises stored in my room.



I've been doing some research about how the Dutch celebrate Christmas and I really like what I discovered. I hope you're ready for a little history lesson because this particular holiday is a wonderful blend of Holland and the United States...

Sinterklaas. Saint Nicholas. Nicolas of Myra. Patron saint of children, sailors, and Amsterdam.
He was born in Patara (part of modern Turkey) during the third century. He came from a wealthy family but he gave his time and money to helping the poor. He died on December 6th, 347 A.D. He is commemorated on that date. He lives in Spain and comes to the Netherlands by boat in mid-November. Between then and December 6th he makes appearances throughout the country with his helper(s), Zwarte Piet(en). He keeps a very clean schedule so as not to appear in two places at once. Then, on the eve of his death, children put out their shoes with a carrot for his white horse. Sinterklaas leaves treats and gifts behind for the children. However, he kidnaps those who have had bad behavior.

Although the Dutch adapted the saint and created a tradition based on the legend, Sinterklaas isn't entirely a Dutch invention. Many elements of the story and celebration can be traced to pagan aspects. The Germanic pagan god, Wolden/Odin, rode a white horse and was honored during the Winter Solstice. Children originally left carrots for his steed near the chimney. Odin rewarded their kindness by leaving fruit or treats.

Sinterklaas was brought to America before it was officially the United States. Dutch settlers established a town called New Amsterdam in 1626. Although the city was founded by Protestants it awarded its inhabitants the freedom of religion. Catholics and Protestants alike adopted Saint Nicholas as the city's patron. In 1664, when it was captured by the English, the celebration of Nicholas was mentioned in the Articles of Capitulation. New Amsterdam became New York and for awhile the religious rights were only celebrated in the Dutch communities. In order to promote New York as a unique city with a unique identity, Washington Irving presented Sinterklaas as the patron saint of the city in his 1809 publication, The History of New York. The influence of Dutch culture in New York set it apart from other American cities.

While the United States continued to establish it's own identity, Clement Clarke Moore wrote the poem "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" in 1823. Sinterklaas became Saint Nick. He traveled by a reindeer drawn sleigh (not on a white horse), carried a bag of toys (not full of sweets), and slid down chimneys. He resembled an elf but forty years later his "Old World" appearance was shed for the figure we know today. In 1863 the political cartoonist Thomas Nast presented him as Santa Claus, a large and bearded old man from the North Pole who wears a fur-trimmed hat and red suit. At first Santa made the toys himself in his workshop with the help of his elves but as the U.S. became industrialized so did he. And as the U.S. became more capitalized, Santa was brought along for the ride. During the Great Depression, Coca Cola created an advertising campaign based on Santa. He continued to transform with American popular culture. Gene Autry released the song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" in 1948 and so a niche in the music industry was created for songs revolving around Santa. At some point after WWII, with the baby boom and rise of the nuclear family, someone invented Mrs. Claus - a pleasant housewife - to take care of Santa and keep him from being lonely. It certainly helped promote him as a grandfather-like icon. A hardworking man who thoroughly enjoyed his leisure time by smoking his pipe and eating. But Santa never takes life too seriously. He is young at heart and loves all the little children. Instead of kidnapping misbehaved boys and girls like his Dutch ancestor, Santa Claus leaves lumps of coal which could actually be somewhat useful. Instead of leaving treats in shoes, his gifts go in stockings pinned to the fireplace.

In November, when Sinterklaas arrived here in the village on his boat from Spain my first impression was mixed. He looks very dignified in his bishop's robes and he carries himself in a very noble manner, but I couldn't get the image of the fat and funny Santa Claus out of my mind. Zwarte Piet, though much more approachable and happy, put me off a little too because the costume consists of black face paint, an afro wig, and red lips. And he, not Sinerklaas, is the one who does all the work. Like a slave. I instantly thought of American "blackface" theater, the Jim Crow era, and terrible slurs such as "darky" and "coon." I tried not to be offended, remembering that cultural offenses are often rooted in misunderstanding, so I waited to pass judgement based on my American outlook. It turns out I'm not the only one to have this sort of reaction.


Video originally seen on Clogs and Tulips: Six to Eight Black Men. Go to the post for more about Zwarte Piet.

Most American tourists feel the exact same culture shock. I mean, I don't think I've used the phrase "culture shock" once when talking about my experiences in Holland. And I was in no way surprised to discover that Santa Claus comes from Sinterklaas. In the past ten years or so the character of Zwarte Piet has received criticism from the Dutch and in 2006 the Dutch Programme Foundation proposed that Zwarte Piet (which literally means "black Pete") be changed to rainbow-colored Pieten. The experiment only lasted one year. I also read that his skin-color was due to the fact that he spent most of his time going up and down chimneys so he was covered in soot. But I don't buy it.

When my friend Caitlynn visited, she had the same reaction when I explained the story of the Dutch Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet. The last day I was able to stay with her in Amsterdam was December 5th so there were Zwarte Pieten all over. She was eager to take pictures, only to bring it back as proof that the Dutch really do paint themselves black and dance around passing out candy for Christmas. But at this record store near Dam Square they were handing out coffee, which I much prefer.




Also, I must admit that I prefer the American Santa Claus to the Dutch Sinterklaas. But, I truly have enjoyed celebrating and learning about this particular Dutch tradition. Who doesn't like getting free chocolate? All of this is not to say that Santa Claus is perfect. He can be weird and somewhat unsettling. I know it is friendly to sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas when you're a kid but that is a bit strange. Just see this collection of pictures as proof.




Sources: Saint Nicholas, Sinterklaas, Santa Claus - From Sinterklaas to Santa Claus - American Santa Claus: Santa’s USA Timeline - Wikipedia: Zwarte Piet

Extra Special Adventure in Amsterdam 12.03.2010-12.05.2010

One of my favorite friends from high school, Caitlyn, visited Amsterdam this weekend. We hadn't seen each other since the Christmas of 2008, just before my family moved from Kansas to Georgia. Just before my time in India and about a year before Italy. Well, she arrived on Thursday and left Monday afternoon. I joined her Friday evening and left Sunday night. We stayed together at a hostel near Central Station, in a 20 bed mixed dorm full of boys. It smelled like dirty socks but we didn't mind too much. We were reunited in Amsterdam, of all places. She is currently an au pair in Italy. She also studied abroad in Florence but the semester before I was there. Deep down I think I always knew we'd meet up somewhere in Europe. And we did. And it was grand.



Thanksgiving Break 2008 - Back in the day when I dyed my hair dark. Going back to my natural blonde took a whole year after Italy.

Random Moments for those too lazy to read the full account
-Almost falling on our arses behind Westerkerk when we turned around to head back after seeing a long line at the Anne Frank House. It turns out that instead of a sidewalk beneath the snow it was all granite. Who in the world does that?
-Witnessing a guy pass out in the middle of a pizzeria. He was just standing there, on his way out, and suddenly fell. Completely unconscious with no apparent cause (though it isn't hard to guess why.) I don't think we moved an inch or took one breath from the moment he hit the floor to the moment his friend finally slapped him back to reality. Does that count as a near death experience?
-Listening to Giovanni Bassano sing and play guitar in Dam Square Sunday night. Some random guy came up and hugged Caitlyn. All weekend she had the hardest time finding her wallet in her purse when she reached the check-out but this time, to make sure he hadn't pick-pocketed her, it was the first thing she grabbed.
-Eavesdropping on a phone conversation a guy was having on the tram. "It is Filipe from Brazil! How are you, man!? It is so good to hear from you!" He really couldn't believe that Filipe was calling him from Brazil.
-Having a deep discussion in the hostel about the characters on True Blood and how the tv show differs from the books, which I haven't read yet but Caitlyn has.
-Swapping stories about everything and everyone imaginable. While walking in the cold or waiting in line or snuggled in the hostel or eating at Wok To Go. That is where we went Friday night and that is when the real talking and catching-up started.
-Movie quotes. Caitlyn is the only person I know who can rattle off any line from almost any movie at any given moment. I think the most quoted movie this weekend was 500 Days of Summer. "We're young. We live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later."


Please click the link below for the full entry..

A Lesson in Independence - Part II

I've already touched on how important my family is to me and how I have amazing friends. I have already tried to explain that I like being independent but I have a new realization I would like to share with you.

When I was a kid I viewed holidays, specifically Christmas, very differently than I do now. Back then it was all about believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. It was about holidays being the special time of the year where magic was real. Now it is all about believing in love. It is about the real things in life that feel magical, like the time spent with family and friends.

I never realized how blessed I am to have such supportive parents and such unique little brothers until I moved away to college. In my teenage years I can't remember how many times I told my mom that as soon as I turned 18 I was going to move out. I couldn't wait to get away from her and have my own life. It was my hormones that made me say those things then but now when I tell her that I can't wait to come home again it is my heart speaking. At the beginning of my freshman year of college I told my family not to buy me anything for Christmas. They were paying for my school, that was enough. I told them that all I wanted was to just be with them for Christmas. Every year since I've had the same request. They always disobey and buy me the most thoughtful and meaningful gifts. I thought I knew the true meaning of Christmas.


Christmas in Georgia 2009

This year I was distraught over the possibility that I would return from Holland in a Christmas-time-crunch. My late arrival would mean that my parents would have to reschedule their plans of driving from Georgia to Minnesota to spend my brothers' school break with our extended family. Since my family moved to Georgia three years ago they haven't spent one Christmas with either side of their own families. I felt so guilty and sobbed on the phone to my dad telling him I was so sorry I was messing everything up. "I'll tell Grandma not to take down the Christmas tree until you get there. We don't have to celebrate Christmas on the 25th of December. We will celebrate it whenever we are together," he told me on the phone a few weeks back when I gushed about how awful I felt about not being able to come home even a day earlier. That was the reassurance I needed but it made me cry even harder.

I don't consider myself to be a humble person but I think I have some sort of complex where I don't feel like I deserve all the wonderful things I have. I tried to explain it to Brandy a few weeks ago. I know I can be very selfish sometimes but I never like asking for help. I always feel guilty when someone has to do something for me. Give me a ride somewhere. Wait for me. Even little things like hold the door for me if my hands are full. I don't know why but I just feel bad when people have to take time out of their day for me or have to change their plans for me. I hate being dependent on anyone, even the slightest bit. But I have learned now that depending on others doesn't make you weak. It gives you strength. Even on good days here I am homesick. I have stayed strong enough to this point because I have the support of others. Depending on their love doesn't mean I'm not strong and independent. It just means that I am wise enough to know that love is the most important thing you can ever give and ever receive.



So, I've learned a lot since I was a teenager. I've learned a lot since the days before I ever spent time abroad, immersed in a different culture. I think my experiences overseas have solidified my beliefs and have strengthened the most important relationships in my life. The perfect example happened about a month ago: I received a surprise package from a very good friend of mine that contained a framed picture of me and my friends on Halloween two years ago, before I left for my semester in Italy. The changes that have taken place for all of us since that crazy night are pretty momentous. However, when I look at that picture I still feel that one thing is the same - our bond. We still love spending time together. We still have the same sense of humor. We still have dreams and hopes and each other. I can't wait to see them again. I can't wait to go home. I can't wait to be able to properly reflect on my experiences here. I know that this is going to be the best Christmas of my entire life.

I love technology.

With only a few weeks left here, I'm on the home stretch. It seems like it will go quickly when I count just the weekends. I will take Rosa to preschool only six more times. Roland has school every weekday but some afternoons (Wednesday and Friday) he doesn't go back after lunch so that is usually when we do crafting. I've looked up some little Christmas projects we can do together and I'm excited because I love that stuff. Seven crafts for seven afternoons. Only three more Saturdays for adventures. Only three more Sundays to be lazy.

I'm going to try and post every other day until I leave. I'm never really sure what to post about but at the same time there is so much to tell you and show you about my time in Holland. We'll see what I can come up with. For now, this is all I've got...

I've been Skyping much more frequently than usual. I appreciate the magic of technology but I can't wait until I get to see these people face-to-face.


A surprise call from my cousin, Joe. I still can't believe that this kid, my little cousin, is in college. When did we all get so big?


Watching my parents read my blog.


Erica's camera often has technical difficulties. This is just one of the many silly screencaptures Erica and I have collected.


My personal favorite. Owen and I watching the season 5 finale of Doctor Who. Priceless because all three of us have the same facial expression. I'd tell you what we're reacting to but SPOILERS!

Goedemorgen, winter.

Last night I had a strange dream. A mysterious guy gave me a ride to the train station in a big black SUV with tinted windows. I think he was my bodyguard. My brother, Seth, was waiting there for me. When we got into Amsterdam we got on the wrong tram and had to get off and walk in the opposite direction. Justin Bieber joined us and we made our way towards Rembrandtplein to check in to Hotel Atlanta, which I discovered last weekend. Then I woke up. The clock said 8:10. Why was I up that early on a Saturday? I checked the weather online to make sure it wouldn't snow but I couldn't get back to sleep. Justin Bieber was in my dream. Weird. But not so weird because my other brother, Owen, has hair that looks exactly like that of the teeny bopper icon, except it is not as well conditioned.



I believe this dream has to do with a recent event - I know when I'll be going home. I'll be leaving Holland on December 23rd and arriving in Atlanta late that night. It won't be fun getting crammed in so close to Christmas, especially when my family's plans for the holiday include traveling. The night I booked the flight, Seth and I had a real heart-to-heart on Skype. We ganged up on Owen, telling him to cut his hair or forever face the embarrassment of looking back at his middle school portraits with regret.

Now it is 9:37am. The canal behind the house is frozen. I need to buy some boots. I need to start buying Christmas presents. I have only 3 1/2 weeks left here. Maybe I should get out of bed.

Edit: It is snowing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

During my four years of college I often escaped to my Grandma Helen's condo in Edina on the weekends when I needed a break from school. It is only a fifty minute drive so I'd pack a little bag and drive off campus blasting good music, ready to get away and relax for a few days. She's lived in the same condo my whole life so it was always the perfect home away from home. We'd go out to dinner or I'd cook. Sometimes we'd catch a movie after my afternoon walk/jog around Lake Harriet, but mostly I'd just sit around watching TV. If I felt up to it I'd actually do some schoolwork. When I was working on my honor's thesis senior year I used her card to check out books from the Hennepin County Library and spread out on the table she uses for her jigsaw puzzles. She got me started on crosswords and we'd always go to bed late because we'd stay up talking. Now that I'm in Holland we write letters to each other. I call her with my Skype credit every once in awhile. Hopefully, this year my family and I will make it to her place for Christmas but either way I still miss her a lot.


Christmas with the cousins on my dad's side of the family at Grandma Helen's. I'm assuming this picture was taken before Owen was born in 1998. From left to right: Andrew, Seth (in the headlock), Colin in Grandma's lap, and me.

Sometime in October of last year, during one of my weekend sleepovers, I mentioned how I hadn't spent Thanksgiving with my family in Georgia since they moved there. The year before I stayed with my Grandma Sue and had Thanksgiving with my cousins at their other grandparent's house. So, Grandma Helen suggested I fly home and surprise my family. She booked me a flight and I only told my dad and Seth. They picked me up from the airport late at night and around midnight I walked into the house. My mother was in the kitchen heating up some food for the boys and when she saw me she almost collapsed. She immediately started crying after she recovered from the shock. My youngest brother, Owen, was asleep on the couch and I tried to wake him up but he thought he was dreaming when he saw me hovering over him. Usually, Thanksgiving is a tense time for my family because everyone gets stressed out. My mom gets stuck with all the cooking and by the time we sit down to eat none of us feel very grateful. But after we say grace we take turns going around the table saying at least one thing we're thankful for. One year my dad said indoor plumbing and another year he said MTV. But last year was perfect because we were all thankful for the same thing - that we were all together.

Old Family Film Thanksgiving 2009 from missemalise on Vimeo.

This year I have so much to be thankful for. I also have a different appreciation for Thanksgiving because I understand better what it is like to move to a foreign land and try to build a life. Granted the obstacles I've had to face here in Holland were very different than those the first settlers in America had to overcome, but I still feel a connection. Even more so now that I know the story of my ancestors who immigrated from Sweden. I've seen what they left and I grew up in the legacy they built in the Land of Freedom. I don't have plans to celebrate today but tonight I'm going to try to watch the live stream of the Thanksgiving Day Parade online. Then I'll turn on some Christmas music because it is a bit of a tradition in my family to turn it on as soon as we finish eating. No one wants to do the dishes but at least with Christmas on our minds already we get excited for the rest of winter to pass until we can all be together (and stressed out) again.

Adventure in Amsterdam - 11.20.2010

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
My main priority this weekend was to see this movie. On Friday night I stayed in Heemstede with my friends and we planned on getting up somewhat early on Saturday to get into Amsterdam to buy tickets for the 5:30pm showing but it is tricky to coordinate everyone. So, just me and two of my friends left around noon to buy the tickets for ourselves and two of the other girls who stayed behind and said they'd meet us later. By the time we got to the cinema all the showings were already sold out. That left us with a lot of time to kill so we ended up exploring some familiar and unfamiliar areas instead. Every time I'd see an advertisement for the movie my heart would break a little bit with disappointment.









However, on Sunday I got up early and went straight back to the cinema by myself in an attempt to get a ticket. At the counter I asked the guy for one ticket to the next showing that isn't sold out. In a burst of good luck he told me that there were two tickets for the 12:15pm showing that someone had left at the counter. It was 12:13pm but I paid and made it up the escalators just in time. I really was very lucky also because my seat assignment was perfect - near the front and in the middle of the row. "I am seeing Harry Potter in Amsterdam," I kept repeating in my head during the previews but once the screen went completely dark and the theme music began to echo a silence came over the whole crowd and I forgot everything. I was in complete awe the entire time. My love for Harry Potter is very deep and I'm not ashamed to say that some tears were shed during those two-and-a-half hours. I'm definitely going to see it again at least once more but I'll probably wait until I'm back in the States so I can go with my younger brother, Owen.

Albert Cuypstrat Market
This is one of the best known and cheapest outdoor markets in Amsterdam. It has stands for everything from food to small electronic items. We passed by it on the tram and we all looked at each other in unison then in an instant decided to jump out on the next stop. We walked through it from beginning to end, stopping to look at jewelry and shoes. Martina and I took advantage of a three hats for 5 euro deal. I picked out two and she picked out one and we split the cost. Estefania bought two purses and at the end we all caved in a ordered some french fries (Vlaamse frites).


Winterland at Rembrandtplein
The second thing we had planned for the day was to go ice skating. We met another group of au pairs, all from Germany, later in the evening at Winterland. It is a little Christmas village with stands for food, some carnival games, and a lot of holiday themed decorations. The rink was small and the ice needed a good cleaning but it was fun to get on the ice and play around for an hour or so. It also made me realize just how long I've been here. Long enough to see the seasons change from days when I'd ride my bike in shorts and a tank top to days when I'd bundle up and make sure I'd arrive at the train station at the last possible moment so I don't have to wait in the cold.