A Lesson on Independence

Aside from staying in contact with friends and family back in the States I try to curb my homesickness and get my American culture fix by watching TV. There are a lot of shows here imported from the US. Most are pretty shameless. I completely understand why, generally speaking, the US has a reputation abroad for being materialistic, greedy, and ignorant. That stereotype is enhanced by the the so-called "reality" shows that air overseas. The population of America is not split between living like the cast of the Jersey Shore and the cast of Laguna Beach, The Hills, and The City. My shows of choice over here are Law & Order, House, and Oprah but lately I have been watching The City. I'll admit it, I like the imagined reality of a girl my age living a glamourous life in New York City. With a job in the fashion industry, a trendy apartment, and an amazing wardrobe. Yes, it is ridiculously fake but the illusion is entertaining.

Well, something from the show actually landed with some weight a few weeks ago. It was a rerun, of course, and probably scripted but when Diane von Furstenburg approached Whitney amidst their busy fashion week party I felt like her message was meant for me.
"The most important relationship you have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

The circumstances of my life and Whitney's are completely different. Not even comparable. But when a woman as accomplished and intelligent as Diane says something like that it echoes. This is what it meant to me:

It is important for an au pair to have a good relationship with the children and the family but it is just as important to have a great relationship with oneself throughout the entire experience. Otherwise it wouldn't be an experience at all. It would just be something that happened. Just some months in another country.

It also came into mind again when I noticed a few people's reactions after I told them about my short travels so far. They asked with whom I saw these cities. "Why, with myself of course." Whenever people learn that I went alone they seem surprised. For some reason or another doing things by yourself has a negative connotation. Like you're alone because you're a loser. Or if you're alone then you're surely depressed. Then a friend of mine posted the following video. So, this is my reply to those who seem taken aback when they learn all the things I've done with no one but me.
"Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay."



Sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my mind because I still miss home so much. Or because I'm not really sure where home is now that I've graduated from Gustavus. So, I have to keep reminding myself about the saying "home is where the heart is." Because it is true. I love many people and many places but my heart is right here with me. In me. Beating in my chest. As long as I can feel it there, safe behind my ribs, then I am home no matter how far I am from those I love. Because I love myself. Because I am my own best friend.