Tips for Au Pairs

Despite the fact that it has something like 9 or 10 months since I last updated here and I feel somewhat removed from this blog, I'd rather spit out the last few posts or so this place deserves even if no one is still reading. Regardless of how long it has been since I was in Holland. This post I've been sitting on the longest and I'm really glad to finally finish it up.

I've kept this down to five tips because everyone is different. Every family is different. Every au pair experience is different. I didn't want to get too specific with the dos and don'ts, but I did want to at least provide specific or thorough exposition for each point.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

This story began as most stories do - with a journey from home. A step out into the great wide world. The heroine, seeking self-discovery, was full of dreams and eager for adventure. She wanted to experience life somewhere far from what she knew. But she realized there is a lot she doesn't know. The pursuit of knowledge has always been burning up her spirit. Read. Study. Listen. Watch. Learn. Absorb.

I don't want to say that I found myself. I don't want to say that I was ever really lost. But now that I am going home I feel like I'm returning to more than just a place. I don't know everything but I learned a lot these past six months. I know myself much better than before which is to say I know myself significantly better than before because I always thought I knew myself pretty well. Does that make sense? I also have a better idea about what I want.

“Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves.”-Carol Lynn Pearson

So, I am standing on the verge of another journey. The return journey. My skin is a little thicker. I have some battle scars. Some amazing tales never made it onto this blog. But isn't that how it usually goes? Most of the time I feel like my words are inadequate in relaying my experiences. My thoughts. My joy. My sadness. My desires. It would be impossible for me to share everything with you. But there are scenes from movies or passages in books that precisely convey what is rumbling about in my heart. Or head. Or a combination thereof. If you've been reading you'd understand me when I say that I have an affinity for The Wizard of Oz. I watched it a lot as a kid. So much that when I watched it yesterday it felt like déjà vu. I loved it before I ever lived in Kansas.



I leave the Netheralnds tomorrow, if all goes as planned. Like I said, my adventures are far from over. I'll continue to update here about the reverse culture shock and what not. Since I can't really put into words what I am feeling at this very moment about this very moment and concerning the culmination of the past six months, I'm including a few quotes I've collected:


•"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." -Mark twain
•“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
-Marcel Proust
•“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – It’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” - Jack Kerouac
•“Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood.” -Milan Kundera
•"So the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness."
-Hermann Hesse
•"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
•"No creature is fully itself till it is, like the dandelion, opened in the bloom of pure relationship to the sun, the entire living cosmos." -D.H. Lawrence
•"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

A bit about the little ones

I don't post ever, if at all, about the children I watch. I've changed their names and won't post pictures of them with their faces showing for privacy reasons and what not. But I really should tell you a few things about them. Because despite the bad times such as messy diaper changes, whiney moods, absurd demands, and messes there are so many cute and hilarious moments every day that are just too precious not to share with someone.

Since I like making lists I've made a list of such instances where my heart melts or my belly aches from laughing so hard:

• They tend to copy many things I do or say that I never realized were habits of mine. Examples: Roeland says "Oh my goodness!" whenever appropriate and sometimes he even beats me to it. Rosa covers her mouth and giggles when I cover my mouth and giggle about something.
• Back in the summer (reality check: I've been here long enough to distinguish one season from another) I showed Roeland the movie Wall-E and he became obsessed. Then I introduced him to Toy Story and he's seen it enough now that he can sit there with me and go back-and-forth quoting it. One of our favorites is "What are you looking at you hockey puck!?"
• During the FIFA World Cup I'd turn on some of the matches during the day and we'd watch it for as long as their attention spans would hold. That is where they learned to say "miss!" whenever someone shot and missed. Well, now Rosa says it when she is putting on her shoes by herself and I tell her they're on the wrong feet. "Oh, miss!" she says and rearranges them.
• They're still young enough for kisses to be the ultimate fix to anything. A bump on the head. A tumble. A scratch from the cat. And so whenever I get hurt or say ouch they race to give me a kiss. Usually, it happens when we're playing together and one of them accidentally clunks their head against mine or something.
• Rosa has a very independent personality which I appreciate because I was/am like that, but it took her longer to warm up to me. Whenever Robin and Anna are home she still prefers them to help her with things if she wants help at all. However, these past few weeks she's shown signs that she actually likes me. Whenever I wear tights she rubs my leg and whispers "mooi!," which means 'pretty.' Yesterday she held my hand for something like 20 minutes while we were watching a movie. When I go to pick her up from pre-school her face lights up when she sees me and she runs to hug me. Today was the icing on the cake though when she turned to me and said "my Emma" while I was taking her upstairs for a new diaper.
• Roeland has become more attached as well even though he liked me from the beginning. Two weekends ago they gave me a ride to the train station and when I got out of the car he kept repeating the word "no." Last Saturday morning as I was heading out for a run he did the same thing because he didn't want me to leave. Evidentially, the week I was gone in Sweden he asked where I was a few times and when I would be back.
• During lunchtime I like to play music from my iTunes. Yesterday I put on Etta James and Rosa started dancing in her chair and humming along to "It's a Cryin' Shame." I asked her if she liked the song and Roeland, who doesn't usually like it when I play music, shouted that he liked it more than her.

To build a home

Tuesday was my first day in Holland. Thursday was my first day as an au pair. Even if I say those facts out loud it still doesn't seem like my life. Even though I'm learning quickly this doesn't feel like my life yet.

To think, in less than 24 hours I went from a messy room and empty suitcases to a chilly room and three nearly full suitcases.



So, during the past five days I have had to adjust to life in another country as well as life with a family different than my own. It has been exhausting on so many differnt levels but I'm surviving. I've taken to observing and listening - two things I think I am pretty good at.

I observe how things are done or handled around the house and with the children. I listen closely to what they say in Dutch even though I don't understand any of it. Dutch is very new to my years. The only other languages I've been exposed to, aside from English, are French and Italian. With my years of Latin I am far more comfortable being around Italian, even if I am not fluent in speaking and can only understand enough to get buy on a day-to-day basis. But Dutch sounds so different. I am getting better at grasping the gist of things.

Anna sat down with me the night before I started with the children and I wrote down some words she thought I should know. Example:
dicht - close
meer - more
heerlijk - delicious
Ik doe het - I do it
The last one is used most often by Reinhilde (2). She is entering the terrible two's phase so she wants to do everything herself.

Other than just figuring things out I've found the children's daily diet of Sesame Street (Sesam Straat) to be most helpful. I speak in English to them, which fortunately Ruben (4) understands. Usually I can get them to repeat words back to me but for now I'm concentrating on the basics like "please" and "thank you." However, Ruben's favorite phrase is "you're being silly" which I said to him the first day or so and he thinks its hilarious to yell it back at me.

Which brings me to my best mechanism: humor. Not only is it wonderful to hear the children laughing (or giggling in Reinhilde's case) but it helps them feel comfortable around me. It has been working so far. The afternoon Robin and Anna commented that the children have such great chemistry with me which is unusual so soon. I was flattered, of course, and I hope that I can keep up being on their good side. It takes a lot of energy and patience to be an au pair.

Yesterday we went to Purmerend and Edam. Today we went into Amsterdam. However, the adapter I brought over does not work on my Macbook so I can't upload pictures until I get a different adapter. An entry about this weekend shall have to wait.

And that is why I'm keeping this post on the short side. Plus, I'm not settled enough yet to really write about daily life and what not. Of course there are little things I already know I'm feeling - a sense of homesickness and the like but I'm going to move on from that soon. For now, I'm exhausted and Italy is playing in the Cup. It's time to take a little break and watch my boys.

I have confidence.

Lately I am more and more convinced that the Netherlands is the place for me. When I first began exploring au pair opportunities I was certain that I wanted to live in Italy (again). I was in contact with various families throughout – Milan, Rome, Florence, and Verona. But at some point I realized that if I wanted to be an au pair to be part of a family from a different culture, then I should probably explore families outside of the one place abroad I've already lived. It was incredibly difficult for me to come to that understanding, and to tell the Italian families that I did not feel qualified to be one of their potential au pairs.

I've already told the story of how I “met” my future host family. It really was one of those instances where everything fell into place almost perfectly. (Which seemed to happen much more in my life after this first instance with the au pair thing.) Although all the facts and details lined up, it really was about that gut feeling. Knowing that we were right for each other. I started emailing back and forth with their current au pair, Caroline, from the very beginning. Just after the first phone conversation, I believe. She said that for her as well it was that same instinct with this family. At first our emails were more to get an idea of what life was like in their household and what not. It turns out, however, that her and I have quiet a few things in common as regards our love of culture, languages, and travel. Aside from the good vibes I got from the host parents, Robin and Anna, the information that Caroline passed onto me about how she felt about them and her time there solidified my feelings. She taught English in southern Spain for several months before joining the family in January. Her and I exchanged quips about how different the Spanish and the Italians are from the Dutch. From my experience, the Italians are very warm and enthusiastic people. They feel everything very intensely, which is one of the things I love most about them. Their love for life is their greatest love and I never felt more alive than when I was living in Italy, trying the Italian way of life. I still try to carry that with me. According to Caroline, the Dutch are very friendly, open, and honest. Holland, she said, is very unique. And I love, love unique. I even like the word. Unique. I also really like the word Holland.

Before my conversations with Robin and Anna and emails with Caroline, I knew very little about the country. There are many tourist clichés about Amsterdam, which I will likely address in the future, but I have not paid much attention to them so far. In my Italian class in Florence there was a girl from Amsterdam. Veerle. She introduced herself to me on the first day and I quickly discovered that her personality was magnetic. She was very friendly. Very open. Very honest. And always fun to be around. I want to try and avoid stereotyping, even though I did it above with the Italians, but if the Dutch really are as unique as Veerle then by definition it will be impossible to stereotype the Dutch.

My other source of information is my father. He spent a week in Amsterdam during the summer of 2006 when the company he was working for was in negotiations to buy a Dutch mining company. His hotel was in the city but all the meetings were a train ride away in some town he doesn't remember the name of now. The one time they actually went anywhere in Amsterdam was for dinner. They went to a resteraunt that served Mexican food. They went out for Mexican while they were in Amsterdam! When I asked him earlier today what he remembers about it all he replied with two things.
1) "They don't put ice in Coke." My dad is an avid Coke drinker. And he likes his Coke with ice. Lots and lots of ice. When he asked for ice in the Netherlands they put in three cubes.
2)“They were all going mental about this soccer thing. The World Cup? It was uncalled for. Who cares about soccer? No one. They were wearing their jerseys and waving these flags. They were all like 'Woooooooo.'” That is my dad and his brand of humor. It is something along the lines of sarcasm. He doesn't mean it, really. And he was a football player so to him soccer, and the fact that it is called football outside of the US, is unnecessary.

I like the fact that the only place my dad has visited in Europe is Amsterdam. Even if he didn't really get to experience it. (Mexican food does not count.) I also really like the fact that he went four years ago at the same time of year as me. And that the World Cup was going on. I have a great passion for the World Cup. Again, another topic you will be reading more of sometime in the future.

So, to get a better idea of my future home I've spent a significant amount of time perusing a few blogs written by Americans living in the Netherlands. My favorites of these are:

Clogs and Tulips: An American in Holland
Tiffany Jansen
This blog is well organized, well written, and full of information! I love her post 10 Things to Have in Your Purse in the Netherlands. Carrie Bradshaw has a thing for shoes. I have a thing for purses and bags. And maybe that will include umbrellas after a few months over there.

Life Abroad by Heather
She moved to Amsterdam after undergrad with her boyfriend for his job. She just recently moved back to Toronto to go back to school but I'm addicted to her posts and photos. Amsterdam Treasures has me itching to get over there to see what sorts of little loves I will find.

I've added these blogs and others to the links in the sidebar. I know I won't have the time or the attention span to thouroghly comb through all the blogs and all the posts but so far they have contributed to this growing feeling that the Netherlands being the perfect place for me. By the time I land I'll be lugging my suitcases and singing “Confidence in Me” just like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.

Listomania

I've been making a lot of lists lately. I have a list of the little things I need to remember buy. I have a short list of activities I'd like to do with my family before I leave. The most complex list of all is the only one I haven't actually written down. It is a mental list of all the big thoughts and subtle feelings I've had since graduation. I don't want to be overwhelmed by all the changes and keeping lists has helped so far.

The two main purposes behind all these lists are (1) to remember, and (2) to stay organized so I can stay on top of what must be done. The first reason is the most influential. Lately, my conscious has been flooded with memories. I hear a song that reminds me of a roadtrip my family took over five years ago. I find a bus ticket stub valid for a ride to Fiesole. I fall into a five hour long Facebook chat with an old friend where all we do is share memories from our silly teenage years. The resurfacing of these memories and my current obsession with remembering could all be part of coming home or having graduated. It could be my mind's way of sorting through everything.

So, to tell you about the past few days as regards my upcoming departure I will use these tricks of my memory. But we must start in the present moment. Below is a picture of where I am sitting right now. I've labeled certain features and although it looks like an ordinary scene, it really isn't. It is full of meaning and memories.



(1) This little basket is a fixture of my desktop. The basket was from a bath soap set my aunt gave me for Christmas one year the whole family was all together for the holidays. My parents, brothers, and I have always lived in a different state than the rest of the family you see. So, Christmases together are always remembered. Now, the basket holds little scraps of papers, bookmarks, and my passport. I like having my passport sitting where I can see it. My first time out of the country was for a January term in Bangalore, India. When I went to a post office in Wichita to get my picture taken the family in line before me was from India. I still remember how the little boy squirmed when his dad tried to hold him still for the photo. He was wearing an orange and white striped polo shirt.

(2) I checked out this stack of books from the Cobb Country Library this afternoon after spending a few hours at the pool.
a.Let's Go Europe 2009 While studying in Italy last spring I used this book frequently. One of the previous students had left it in our apartment. I used it to plan most portions of my excursions outside of Italy: London, Bath, Cork, and Paris. Since it is so large I simply copied down the information I needed into a notebook. The only time I ever took the book out of the apartment was for a long afternoon at one of my favorite spots in Florence. I still have that notebook and will probably use it again, but I want to visit cities I did not get to go last year. Hopefully, over the next few day's I'll be able to take down good notes from this book again.
b. Fodor's Essential Europe: The Best of 16 Exceptional Countries
c. Let's Go France 2009 The place I want to visit most again is France. I only spent three days in Paris last spring. I was on my own, which was the best part, but I did not get to see even half of what I wanted, intended, or planned. I know I'll be writing more about this particular adventure and my future plans to pick up where I left off so I'm going to stop myself from sharing my memories of Paris.
d. Fodor's Paris 2009

(3) This is the 55-250mm zoom lense that came with my darling Canon Rebel T1i, which my parents bought it for me as a graduation present. I have yet to familiarize myself with it, even though I've taken some test shots here and there. But expect to see (and probably read more) about it because I will be using it non-stop.

(4) This is one of the said lists. The writing is very small because I'm trying to keep it all on the same notecard. When I spoke to my host parents on Sunday (more on this conversation in a later post) I scribbled notes on the back. The pen I used has purple ink, which instantly reminded me of a certain morning in Florence. We were standing outside Santa Croce listening to the art history professor's lecture on the exterior. It began to rain and the few drops my open notebook managed to catch made the black ink run in pools of deep violet. When I went back to decipher my notes later they were illegible but the color was beautiful.

(5) These are the first official items I purchased for my time in the Netherlands.
a. Moleskine European City Notebook: Amsterdam As soon as my au pair position was for certain I began looking for items to purchase in order to prepare myself and/or be of use while I am there. Moleskine is my notebook of choice and while looking for one to record my adventures I found this. It is a regular Moleskine but it is equipped with city maps and organized tabs for attractions and favorite places for the traveller to fill in according to their tastes.
b. Moleskine Pocket Ruled Notebook When I said that Moleskine is my notebook of choice I actually meant that I'm a Moleskine lover. I bought my first set of Moleskines before I left for Italy. This time I've shrunken down to the pocket version of what I used for my previous travels.
c. Lonely Planet Guide: The Netherlands This was the only travel book Barnes & Noble had on the Netherlands, which is disappointing. Especially for someone like me because I love variety. Since there were no other options I felt pressured to buy it. And then I realized that I still need to see what Borders has to offer. There were, however, plenty of books about Amsterdam which doesn't do me much good. I don't think I should buy a book on Amsterdam because I have the city notebook mentioned above, and my host parents are already very familiar with Amsterdam. I'd much rather depend on them for information than a guide book, but we shall see if I change my mind about that.

(6) Before I started writing this blog entry I spent a good amount of time at apple.com looking at the new iPhone. Of the many things I find so great about it the best one is that it has video calls. It is the first cell phone ever to have that feature. To me, email and Facebook are not good enough for keeping in touch with my friends and family. So I used Skype while I was in Italy. It is free to use on computers but there is also a deal where you can buy Skype Credit on cell phones. Still, it doesn't beat the video call on the new iPhone. But the world isn't perfect. I'm still exploring my options in terms of how to call people in the States from a cell phone in the Netherlands. In fact, my mom and I are going to Verizon this afternoon to see what can be sorted out with our contract. I still plan on using Skype as my main source of face-time but one should always have a back up.

Those are all the labels explained in brief. But the best part of this scene is that before I went to Italy I took the same picture of my desk.


Notice the very basket with my passport, a stack of library books, and a stack of books from Barnes & Noble. It is funny sometimes how things tend to come full circle.


There. Now you can see how all these memories of mine are connected in their own strange way. Or in my mind, at least. I'm going to keep making lists and I'm going to keep remembering. In less than a week, after I step onto that plane destined for Amsterdam, I'll have new memories to share with you. I hope you're ready.

All things go, all things go

Since this is my first post I suppose it would be best for me to start this story from the very beginning. I have never been one for chronology, despite my love for history, and to be honest I am not particularly fond of writing "beginnings". However, I am going to try my very best to write this story as it goes along and one could always use a good ol' "Once upon a time..."

Here it goes:

Once upon a time there was a girl who was not exactly sure what she wanted to do with her life. She knew what she should do:
(a) find a respectable job
(b) go to graduate school
(c) find a respectable man to marry and settle down
(d) all of the above
But she was not satisfied with following what society wants everyone to believe is acceptable. She wanted to follow her heart, head, or a combination thereof. She knew she was interested in going to graduate school at some point but until she was certain which field would suit her best she decided to take some time off to consider the big life questions she knew she would have to face whether she wanted to or not. So, she decided to do the only thing she was certain she wanted at this point in her life - to live in Europe. The best means for her to do so (without the stress of finding a random job overseas, filling out messy paperwork, or paying extreme amounts of money) was to live with a family as an au pair. It is important, before this tale goes any further, for the reader to understand what an au pair is exactly. Let us consult Wikipedia: "An au pair (plural: au pairs) is a foreign-national domestic assistant working for, and living as part of, a host family. Typically, au pairs take on a share of the family's responsibility for childcare as well as some housework, and receive a small monetary allowance for personal use.
The title comes from the French term au pair, meaning "on a par" or "equal to", indicating that the relationship is intended to be one of equals: the au pair is intended to become a member of the family, albeit a temporary one, rather than a domestic servant."

For our heroine this was precisely the opportunity for which she was looking. Although she did not have enough money scattered about to pay for the fees an au pair agency requires, she was able to create profiles on various au pair placement websites. Within a week she was already in contact via email with families in Italy, France, Sweden, and the UK. As she began to learn more and more about each family she began to understand what she was looking for in a host family and began narrowing her choices. Still, she did not feel she was well-suited for some of the families or countries. Nor did she feel that "magic click" with any of the parents. Until she received a voicemail one day while in class. A family with two children from the Netherlands had looked at her profile and were so interested that they called her up on the phone to introduce themselves. This made a great impression on her because writing an email, though time consuming, is not entirely personal. Dialing a phone and paying fees to call someone overseas takes much more effort and care. She set up a phone date with the Dutch family and during that first conversation she felt giddy with possibility. This was the right family for her and she was the right girl for them.

And that is the beginning of the story. For now. Don't worry, I will not be writing in the third person like this. It is simply for dramatic effect.