Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

This story began as most stories do - with a journey from home. A step out into the great wide world. The heroine, seeking self-discovery, was full of dreams and eager for adventure. She wanted to experience life somewhere far from what she knew. But she realized there is a lot she doesn't know. The pursuit of knowledge has always been burning up her spirit. Read. Study. Listen. Watch. Learn. Absorb.

I don't want to say that I found myself. I don't want to say that I was ever really lost. But now that I am going home I feel like I'm returning to more than just a place. I don't know everything but I learned a lot these past six months. I know myself much better than before which is to say I know myself significantly better than before because I always thought I knew myself pretty well. Does that make sense? I also have a better idea about what I want.

“Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves.”-Carol Lynn Pearson

So, I am standing on the verge of another journey. The return journey. My skin is a little thicker. I have some battle scars. Some amazing tales never made it onto this blog. But isn't that how it usually goes? Most of the time I feel like my words are inadequate in relaying my experiences. My thoughts. My joy. My sadness. My desires. It would be impossible for me to share everything with you. But there are scenes from movies or passages in books that precisely convey what is rumbling about in my heart. Or head. Or a combination thereof. If you've been reading you'd understand me when I say that I have an affinity for The Wizard of Oz. I watched it a lot as a kid. So much that when I watched it yesterday it felt like déjà vu. I loved it before I ever lived in Kansas.



I leave the Netheralnds tomorrow, if all goes as planned. Like I said, my adventures are far from over. I'll continue to update here about the reverse culture shock and what not. Since I can't really put into words what I am feeling at this very moment about this very moment and concerning the culmination of the past six months, I'm including a few quotes I've collected:


•"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." -Mark twain
•“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
-Marcel Proust
•“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – It’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” - Jack Kerouac
•“Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood.” -Milan Kundera
•"So the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness."
-Hermann Hesse
•"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
•"No creature is fully itself till it is, like the dandelion, opened in the bloom of pure relationship to the sun, the entire living cosmos." -D.H. Lawrence
•"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

Out on the wiley, windy moors...

Today I was going to post about Christmas (again) because Sinterklass came this weekend and left gifts for the children. I still plan on putting that entry up on the blog but for today I have something completely different to share with you.

Music. It would be an understatement to say that it is one of my most favorite things. I could go on and on about how music is a powerful force in my life and my travels. I could tell you about all the songs that have made it onto my "Life in Holland" playlist and which will forever remind me of my time here. I could, I probably will, but let's go in a slightly different direction...

During my senior year of high school I had to read Wuthering Heights for AP Literature. I think it was the only book that I didn't read. (Sorry, Mr. Roper!) After maybe 50 pages or so I just couldn't go any further. The way I remember it, I made it pretty clear to everyone in my class that I was not a fan. At all. Still, it was a required part of the curriculum so I tried to find a way to like it. That is when I found the following:



Wuthering Heights is a classic. Kate Bush is a classic. Both points can be argued but this video is epic and hilarious at the same time. I convinced our teacher to pull it up on his computer one day so we could all watch it on the projector. It became a running joke among me and my classmates/friends. It still is. If that is how people from high school remember me I think I am okay with that.

How many times have I watched this video? Too many. Does it ever get old? Nope. How is this relevant? Today it came on the radio while I was picking the children up from school. It made my day. I love the variety of music Dutch radio stations provide. Katy Perry, Elvis, Seal, Queen, Bob Dylan, Lil' Wayne, Prince, Nina Simone, and those are just the ones I remember. They play everything you can imagine. But to hear this song was the deal maker. Dutch radio is the best. And this song never gets old. I know every word and if you ask me (read: bribe me) I'll break out some of the dance moves too.

Extra Special Adventure in Amsterdam 12.03.2010-12.05.2010

One of my favorite friends from high school, Caitlyn, visited Amsterdam this weekend. We hadn't seen each other since the Christmas of 2008, just before my family moved from Kansas to Georgia. Just before my time in India and about a year before Italy. Well, she arrived on Thursday and left Monday afternoon. I joined her Friday evening and left Sunday night. We stayed together at a hostel near Central Station, in a 20 bed mixed dorm full of boys. It smelled like dirty socks but we didn't mind too much. We were reunited in Amsterdam, of all places. She is currently an au pair in Italy. She also studied abroad in Florence but the semester before I was there. Deep down I think I always knew we'd meet up somewhere in Europe. And we did. And it was grand.



Thanksgiving Break 2008 - Back in the day when I dyed my hair dark. Going back to my natural blonde took a whole year after Italy.

Random Moments for those too lazy to read the full account
-Almost falling on our arses behind Westerkerk when we turned around to head back after seeing a long line at the Anne Frank House. It turns out that instead of a sidewalk beneath the snow it was all granite. Who in the world does that?
-Witnessing a guy pass out in the middle of a pizzeria. He was just standing there, on his way out, and suddenly fell. Completely unconscious with no apparent cause (though it isn't hard to guess why.) I don't think we moved an inch or took one breath from the moment he hit the floor to the moment his friend finally slapped him back to reality. Does that count as a near death experience?
-Listening to Giovanni Bassano sing and play guitar in Dam Square Sunday night. Some random guy came up and hugged Caitlyn. All weekend she had the hardest time finding her wallet in her purse when she reached the check-out but this time, to make sure he hadn't pick-pocketed her, it was the first thing she grabbed.
-Eavesdropping on a phone conversation a guy was having on the tram. "It is Filipe from Brazil! How are you, man!? It is so good to hear from you!" He really couldn't believe that Filipe was calling him from Brazil.
-Having a deep discussion in the hostel about the characters on True Blood and how the tv show differs from the books, which I haven't read yet but Caitlyn has.
-Swapping stories about everything and everyone imaginable. While walking in the cold or waiting in line or snuggled in the hostel or eating at Wok To Go. That is where we went Friday night and that is when the real talking and catching-up started.
-Movie quotes. Caitlyn is the only person I know who can rattle off any line from almost any movie at any given moment. I think the most quoted movie this weekend was 500 Days of Summer. "We're young. We live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later."


Please click the link below for the full entry..

Home is wherever I'm with you

I have a best friend named Brandy. We've been friends for something like ten years. Our story is a long one but it is amazing. I won't share it with you now but you'll just have to trust me on that last point. I've posted about her before on my other blog but she asked me why I haven't mentioned her on this blog yet. That is a fair question. I have her listed in the Cast of Characters but that is not enough. Especially since she has been a huge part of my life abroad. Also, the word "friend" is not enough. We're sisters, not by blood but by love.



Brandy has a summer birthday. I was born in the winter. Brandy is an artist. I like to write. Brandy lives in Kansas City with her fiancé. I'm in the Netherlands taking care of two adorable Dutch children. The list goes on. We couldn't be more different but that is why we're so close. We compliment each other in every way. She is the only person with whom I can spend significant amounts of time without loosing my mind. I mean, we do drive each other crazy at times but even our craziness is complimentary.

Of course, our friendship isn't perfect. After high school we took separate paths. I moved out-of-state for college and she started classes at the Kansas City Art Institute. The last time we saw each other in person was New Years 2007. The years following we slowly stopped talking to each other. We'd forget to return phone calls or just didn't have the time to keep the other updated. We were living completely different lives.

But then I think we grew up enough to realize that we had no real excuse for neglecting such a wonderful connection. When her boyfriend proposed she called me and told me the whole story. I think that was the catalyst for us to reconnect. And then she found an old notebook we used to write in to each other back in high school. She mailed it to me a few days before my graduation. We decided that it was time to get back into the swing of being "us" again. Then, when I arrived in the Netherlands, we started Skyping. With all the changes and challenges in each of our lives, our almost daily conversations have become a saving grace.

One night we spent hours going through poems by our favorite poet, trying to find the perfect line to use as a title for a blog we wanted to create together. The idea came when I complained about having to write and write in our notebook about all sorts of things and that I wouldn't be able to mail it until I returned to the States. I didn't want to wait that long to have her reply. Our blog has been up and running since September. It is the online version of the notebook. We both check it daily to see if the other has posted. Whether it is funny videos, favorite quotes, or long ramblings about all the thoughts floating around in our sometimes joyful, sometimes dark minds. It is keeping us sane and on the same page. However, one of my favorite aspects of the blog is that we use it to share music.

We've collected a lot of theme songs over the years. Now, about every week days we share music with each other. A single song or an entire playlist. It is fantastic to find out that she is in love with a song that I too love just as much. It serves as proof that we're still connected despite everything. Well, the song below came from her but we're both in love with it. It's our theme song now and it is perfect.



Although we've gone through completely different life experiences these past few years (and especially these past few months) it is amazing that we've learned the similar lessons about life, love, and ourselves. The overarching realization has been that home is not a place. It is a feeling. So, even though we're something like 4,493.26 miles apart, whenever we're on Skype it feels like we're sitting right next to each other. Just like the good ol' days where we'd lock ourselves in her room and read Harry Potter for days at a time. Or when we'd sit in my basement for hours taking turns playing The Sims. We could be completely zoned out, multitasking, or talking to someone else but we're still together. And when I'm with her I feel like I'm home.