A Lesson in Independence - Part II

I've already touched on how important my family is to me and how I have amazing friends. I have already tried to explain that I like being independent but I have a new realization I would like to share with you.

When I was a kid I viewed holidays, specifically Christmas, very differently than I do now. Back then it was all about believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. It was about holidays being the special time of the year where magic was real. Now it is all about believing in love. It is about the real things in life that feel magical, like the time spent with family and friends.

I never realized how blessed I am to have such supportive parents and such unique little brothers until I moved away to college. In my teenage years I can't remember how many times I told my mom that as soon as I turned 18 I was going to move out. I couldn't wait to get away from her and have my own life. It was my hormones that made me say those things then but now when I tell her that I can't wait to come home again it is my heart speaking. At the beginning of my freshman year of college I told my family not to buy me anything for Christmas. They were paying for my school, that was enough. I told them that all I wanted was to just be with them for Christmas. Every year since I've had the same request. They always disobey and buy me the most thoughtful and meaningful gifts. I thought I knew the true meaning of Christmas.


Christmas in Georgia 2009

This year I was distraught over the possibility that I would return from Holland in a Christmas-time-crunch. My late arrival would mean that my parents would have to reschedule their plans of driving from Georgia to Minnesota to spend my brothers' school break with our extended family. Since my family moved to Georgia three years ago they haven't spent one Christmas with either side of their own families. I felt so guilty and sobbed on the phone to my dad telling him I was so sorry I was messing everything up. "I'll tell Grandma not to take down the Christmas tree until you get there. We don't have to celebrate Christmas on the 25th of December. We will celebrate it whenever we are together," he told me on the phone a few weeks back when I gushed about how awful I felt about not being able to come home even a day earlier. That was the reassurance I needed but it made me cry even harder.

I don't consider myself to be a humble person but I think I have some sort of complex where I don't feel like I deserve all the wonderful things I have. I tried to explain it to Brandy a few weeks ago. I know I can be very selfish sometimes but I never like asking for help. I always feel guilty when someone has to do something for me. Give me a ride somewhere. Wait for me. Even little things like hold the door for me if my hands are full. I don't know why but I just feel bad when people have to take time out of their day for me or have to change their plans for me. I hate being dependent on anyone, even the slightest bit. But I have learned now that depending on others doesn't make you weak. It gives you strength. Even on good days here I am homesick. I have stayed strong enough to this point because I have the support of others. Depending on their love doesn't mean I'm not strong and independent. It just means that I am wise enough to know that love is the most important thing you can ever give and ever receive.



So, I've learned a lot since I was a teenager. I've learned a lot since the days before I ever spent time abroad, immersed in a different culture. I think my experiences overseas have solidified my beliefs and have strengthened the most important relationships in my life. The perfect example happened about a month ago: I received a surprise package from a very good friend of mine that contained a framed picture of me and my friends on Halloween two years ago, before I left for my semester in Italy. The changes that have taken place for all of us since that crazy night are pretty momentous. However, when I look at that picture I still feel that one thing is the same - our bond. We still love spending time together. We still have the same sense of humor. We still have dreams and hopes and each other. I can't wait to see them again. I can't wait to go home. I can't wait to be able to properly reflect on my experiences here. I know that this is going to be the best Christmas of my entire life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

During my four years of college I often escaped to my Grandma Helen's condo in Edina on the weekends when I needed a break from school. It is only a fifty minute drive so I'd pack a little bag and drive off campus blasting good music, ready to get away and relax for a few days. She's lived in the same condo my whole life so it was always the perfect home away from home. We'd go out to dinner or I'd cook. Sometimes we'd catch a movie after my afternoon walk/jog around Lake Harriet, but mostly I'd just sit around watching TV. If I felt up to it I'd actually do some schoolwork. When I was working on my honor's thesis senior year I used her card to check out books from the Hennepin County Library and spread out on the table she uses for her jigsaw puzzles. She got me started on crosswords and we'd always go to bed late because we'd stay up talking. Now that I'm in Holland we write letters to each other. I call her with my Skype credit every once in awhile. Hopefully, this year my family and I will make it to her place for Christmas but either way I still miss her a lot.


Christmas with the cousins on my dad's side of the family at Grandma Helen's. I'm assuming this picture was taken before Owen was born in 1998. From left to right: Andrew, Seth (in the headlock), Colin in Grandma's lap, and me.

Sometime in October of last year, during one of my weekend sleepovers, I mentioned how I hadn't spent Thanksgiving with my family in Georgia since they moved there. The year before I stayed with my Grandma Sue and had Thanksgiving with my cousins at their other grandparent's house. So, Grandma Helen suggested I fly home and surprise my family. She booked me a flight and I only told my dad and Seth. They picked me up from the airport late at night and around midnight I walked into the house. My mother was in the kitchen heating up some food for the boys and when she saw me she almost collapsed. She immediately started crying after she recovered from the shock. My youngest brother, Owen, was asleep on the couch and I tried to wake him up but he thought he was dreaming when he saw me hovering over him. Usually, Thanksgiving is a tense time for my family because everyone gets stressed out. My mom gets stuck with all the cooking and by the time we sit down to eat none of us feel very grateful. But after we say grace we take turns going around the table saying at least one thing we're thankful for. One year my dad said indoor plumbing and another year he said MTV. But last year was perfect because we were all thankful for the same thing - that we were all together.

Old Family Film Thanksgiving 2009 from missemalise on Vimeo.

This year I have so much to be thankful for. I also have a different appreciation for Thanksgiving because I understand better what it is like to move to a foreign land and try to build a life. Granted the obstacles I've had to face here in Holland were very different than those the first settlers in America had to overcome, but I still feel a connection. Even more so now that I know the story of my ancestors who immigrated from Sweden. I've seen what they left and I grew up in the legacy they built in the Land of Freedom. I don't have plans to celebrate today but tonight I'm going to try to watch the live stream of the Thanksgiving Day Parade online. Then I'll turn on some Christmas music because it is a bit of a tradition in my family to turn it on as soon as we finish eating. No one wants to do the dishes but at least with Christmas on our minds already we get excited for the rest of winter to pass until we can all be together (and stressed out) again.

Adventure in Sweden - 9.20.2010

I started day three with a jog and a runny nose. I added an extra 10 minutes on to my normal run time because I was feeling charged and I wanted to step on more crunchy leaves. After lunch Suzanne and I went shopping in the city center. By late afternoon the overcast sky had cleared and the changing leaves looked brilliant against the blue sky. So, we set off with coffee and apple pie for a little excursion to one of the islands on the lake.

Almo-Lindo
Suzanne's family owns a lake house originally built in 1906 but renovated in the early 60's and they've gone there every summer since. I'm sure the red paint looks just as picturesque in the warm weather as it does in autumn, especially while we were there because the sun was moving low on the horizon. We had our fika by the water. Suzanne gave me a tour of the house, explaining who usually slept in which rooms and what she and her sister had named them when they were younger. The king's room. The bird room. Ect. It was funny to see souvenirs from Minnesota and to see all sorts of normal Swedish things that I grew up thinking were special because they were Swedish. Here those things are just normal. Real, everyday things.